Life has a crazy way of teaching you about things whether you like it or not.
Joe and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Our precious babies are in the hospital. Life doesn't seem real. The idea of Anderson and blood and platelet transfusions in the same thought makes our brains skip a little. Those are things that just don't go together. Seeing my baby hooked up to a machine is unreal.
I have a new found respect for those who donate blood and platelets. Thank you. Whom ever you are I am so grateful. So far Anderson has had 4 blood transfusions and one platelet transfusion. We are hoping things are starting to turn in the right direction and we will be out of the woods from having to have kidney dialysis. E. Coli is an evil illness and is not a joke. I've always thought, like many others do, that these sort of things will never happen to me or the people I love. I want to take my boys and pick them up and just run far away from all of this but I know they are where they need to be and we are so grateful for the advances in technology. These boys are my everything. They are what I wake up for, why I live everyday the way I do. I need them more than they probably need me.
Mother's should be equipped with magic wands the day they step into motherhood. I would have used my magic want a thousand different ways by now, just this week alone.
Anderson is such a big boy. He has been so incredibly patient with everything. Emmett is struggling, for a 2 yr old this must all be so confusing and invasive. I miss their giggles and their funny little quirks that they learn on a daily basis and continually surprise us with every day. I want to go home and just go back to our normal life. Yes, it may be boring and it may be stressful and hair-pulling sometimes but I want it back to that.Why do we not realize what we have until it is not an option. Even though this hospital vacation can't last forever, that there is a day they will send us home, why didn't I take my life with them for more of the blessing it is.
If someone had read my thoughts early last week, you would have heard me repeat to myself over and over how I couldn't wait til I have this baby, because those 4+ days in the hospital meant I could relax and soak up the ability to just let all my responsibilities just be set to the side. Now, I'm so not interested in a hospital stay. I'm not even looking forward to having a baby. Don't read this wrong, I love this little girl growing in my tummy. I am excited for her to join our family. I'm just so exhausted about the thought at this point with all that we have been through in such a short week. This E. Coli situation has made the last trimester of this pregnancy seem like it's speeding to catch up with us. My to do list has gone from: stock up on diapers, order a car seat, clean bedding and clothes and to now I've added . . . keeping Anderson and Emmett's kidneys functioning. That's a lot to process in such a short time.
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