Random thoughts

When Anderson was born I spent all my time with him and I didn’t understand how fast the time would fly by.  I didn’t have any other distractions so all my time was his and I loved it. There were times it was also a little boring, just the two of us. All. Day. Long. Every day. (even when I was going to school) I remember looking at Anderson and feeling so bad and in some ways pressured because he didn’t have a friend to play with. I so badly wanted him to have a sibling.

When Emmett came along and I felt so torn, like I couldn’t divide my time equally between the two boys, along with the fact that I was just starting to deal with all of Anderson’s developmental delays. I had a friend come over once during this time and she said to me that she didn’t think Emmett was getting enough attention. I thought how much attention can you give to a little guy that stares at the ceiling and drools, when his brother needs so much at the same time? Don’t get me wrong, I spent a lot of time with Emmett but it never seemed like enough. I spent more time stressing about how much time each child was getting that I look back and don’t feel like I accomplished much during that time. I wish I had let my house be messy a little more and I had snuggled Emmett a day long instead. Especially with Emmett being my sleepy boy. He LOVES to sleep, ever since we brought him home from the hospital.

I remember constantly comparing my time that I had with Anderson as a baby to my time I was spending with Emmett. It never seemed like enough. And the time seemed to be slipping away too quickly every day. They grow up too fast. I do remember always teaching Anderson to share his toys with Emmett. Whenever Anderson was playing with toys I’d have him share a couple with his brother. So Anderson would be playing and baby Emmett would be chilling in his swing covered in little blocks. It was too cute.

Now, I have 2 crazy wild boys and a little baby Tatum. I’ve learned that time does go by too fast but I also have a ton more things to do. My time with my kids as babies won’t all be the same but I can do the best I can at enjoying my moments with them. I remember taking naps with Anderson all the time when it was just the two of us. I miss those moments. But there are times when Joe is home and all things fall perfectly into place that I can take some time out and lay down and take a nap next to Tatum. Those are beautiful moments and I cherish them. I remember all the great things I was going to do and be as a mother, before I had kids. Then reality struck and I learned that it can’t all turn out as planned.  It’s a hard pill to swallow but once I did life has seemed to become more about making memories rather than forcing them to happen.  My favorite thing to do is lie on the couch and feed Tatum while the boys destroy my house. Maybe favorite isn’t the right word but I love the time I’m given to snuggle with my baby. :)