Okay, so why is it that we can change our names but we can't change our pedigree chart? Strange question, I know. I'm just frustrated!
I've always joked that my family puts the FUN in dysFUNctional. It's true! I love my family, I even love their weird quirks, strange habits and annoying tendencies. But when one family member wants to abandon me why do I have to still claim them? If they don't want me then why do I have to still call them mine? My brother, doesn't want a sister. He doesn't want any of us really. But I want a brother, I want my family to be whole. So, why is it that he gets what he wants and I don't? I know life isn't fair but why can't it be fair to me, in this situation, since I'm wanting what's right?
There's a primary song, Families Can Be Together Forever, that use to make me cry when I was little because I never thought my family was going to ever come together again. Now that miracles have taken place and my parents can handle being in the same room with each other, I see that I'm so close to my wish. I know my parents are never going to remarry. I wouldn't want them to. They are happier apart. But why is it that now that I have my parents and my sister and my brother all together, that my other brother won't be apart of "us"?
Now, almost everyone knows my sister and I fight like no other! We've been known to literally tear each others hair out. It's a hard relationship, but every resolved conflict brings us together closer in some way. I could give up on her, I could walk away from the struggle of our sisterhood. But I don't because I love her and we're in this for the long eternal haul. Why can't my brother step up and join the battle to fight for a family and relationships that the Lord has given us and promised us can be forever?
My question is why? Why can't I have a family like Joe's. The family that stays together forever, no matter what. When I'm with Joe's family, I feel complete. No one's missing, no one's lost or wandering astray. Even though everyone is different and conflicts, struggles and whatnot's are said or done, people forgive, people forget and people move on. I'm sure each person in Joe's family could come up with a list of reasons they shouldn't like the other members of the family. I'm sure the stories could go on and on, but they don't and they won't and they shouldn't. If we can't heal the wounds and bandage the hurt between others in our family, how will we be able to ask the Lord to accept us into his home as a member of his family?
I've prayed for my family, I've prayed for my brother and his family? I'm loosing faith. I don't know how long I can keep up this idea that my family really can be together, ever. After a while of asking this same question over again, your energy wears thin, your strength weakens and faith dwindles.
I just hope the Lord has just one more miracle left for my family.
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